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Narrator: Previously on Fresh Hell. 

Dakota: Oh. An e-mail from my dad. Investment opportunity: A tractor dealership in Silver Lake? 

Brent: She is the best thing you've ever had and somewhere in that reptilian brain of your's, you know you blew it. Well, guess what? Too late. So why don't you take this lesson and go make somebody else happy, because you're done with this one. 

[scene change]

Brent: Let me talk to Valerie.

Larry: I- She went out. 

Brent: She went out? Wha- She doesn't go out. Where is she? 

Larry: Things are crazy here, okay? Things are falling apart all around me. I really think someone's going to die. 

[Show Title Theme] 

Brent: Well how how far has she gotten do you think? 

Larry: I don't know. It's been hours. She's in her protective travel tent. 

Brent: What? Is it a multicolored umbrella with black drape hanging from it?

Larry: Yes. 

Brent: She's standing in front of our building. 

Larry: Make sure it's her, because it's Hollywood and it's a very popular look. 

Brent: I've got her. Call you back. Valerie? 

Valerie: Ahh! Go away demon!

Brent: It's Brent. 

Valerie: Brent? Thank, Vishnu. Get in here. 

Brent: Hm. Roomy. What are you doing out here? 

Valerie: I'm finding Dakota. She's making a terrible mistake. 

Brent: I know, but how are you going to find her?

Valerie: I put a spell on my shoes to lead me to her, but then I stepped in something. 

Brent: What?

Valerie: I don't know where I am. How in the world did you find me out here? 

Brent: You're standing in front of our building. 

Valerie: Damn it. My enemies know that I'm out here. They put the curse to right turn only on my feet. 

Brent: Is that exactly what it sounds like?

Valerie: It's no wonder that I keep seeing the same sidewalk repeating. 

Brent: Come on. Let's get you inside. I'll find Dakota. 

Valerie: Wait. Why aren't you at Jolinda? You're taping today. 

Brent: Well, it it it was cancelled. 

Valerie: Oh, that's so disappointing. 

Brent: I know. I know. But hey, look on the bright side. At least we don't have a reschedule now. 

Valerie: No. It's my fault. 

Brent: No. 

Valerie: I gave you the amulet when I should have given you this. 

Brent: What? What's that supposed to do? Ward off evil spirits? 

Valerie: No. It covers your face so people won't recognize you. Have you really never seen a mask before? 

Brent: Thanks, Val. Come on. Let's go. C'mon, Val. Jesus. 

[scene change]

Brent: Tommy. T-Tommy? 

Tommy: Oh. There he is. You come to give me a push? 

Brent: Wh-What are you doing up here? 

Tommy: I'm looking for a reason, Brent. I'm looking for one reason why I shouldn't take the big dive into Lake Pancake. 

Brent: Y-You're not seriously thinking about jumping?

Tommy: Oh? Aren't I? Then then why I am getting rid of all my pictures of penises? 

Brent: Yeah. Why are you? 

Tommy: Because I don't want them to fall into the hands of some weirdo. 

Brent: Oh. I'm sure the owners of those penises will be relieved. 

Tommy: Oh, well. They're mostly cadavers. I got a guy at the morgue that takes them for me. He's got a really great eye. 

Brent: Cadavers? That's. That's disgusting, Tommy. What. What's wrong with you? 

Tommy: This is how you talk to a man on a ledge, Brent?! I mean, jeez. Come on. I know actors are self-absorbed, but you know maybe now is not your turn to be outraged, okay? 

Brent: No. Come on. Seriously. You're not the type. I can't believe you're sensitive enough to jump off a building over a break up. 

Tommy: That's great. You know, write that down. So when people ask what you said to make me jump, you'll have it right in front of you. 

Brent: No no no. Wait! Tommy! Wait! Why are you doing this? 

Tommy: I'll never do better than her. I'm a freak, Brent. I'm a weirdo. You you you were right about me. 

Brent: No no no. Wait. Wait. Tommy. Wait. 

Tommy: No no no. The time for talking is done. I'm just. Adios! 

Brent: Tommy, wait! This is what you wanted to see, isn't it? 

Tommy: Are you teasing me, Brent? You. You think I won't jump just so I can get a look at your downstairs manparts, amigo? 

Brent: That's exactly what I think. Now get off of that ledge. 

Tommy: Alright. Let's see it. 

Brent: No no. Further away. And you have a promise that you won't try to commit suicide for at least one year. 

Tommy: Negotiating. Nice. Alright. That's that's a tough deal for me, but I'll take it. Okay. Let's see it. And and and when you do it, can you say ""Say hello to my little friend!""?

Brent: No. That's a deal breaker. 

Tommy: Okay. Alright. Just just regular then. 

Brent: Oh, god. 

Tommy: Why. Why was that so hard for you to do? 

Brent: Because it's weird, Tommy. It's very, very weird. 

Tommy: Oh. Look at us. We're a couple of freaks on a rooftop crying like a huge sissy. 

Brent: We're not doing that. You're doing that. 

Tommy: Oh. 

Brent: Where's Dakota? 

Tommy: She uh. She packed her bags. She went to find her dad. You can um. You can probably catch her, if you hurry. 

Brent: I knew it. Oh, great. I'm going to have to run through an airport trying to stop her. That's such a cliche. 

Tommy: Oh. No no no. She's not at the airport. She's at a Metrolink. Her dad's in Silver Lake. 

Brent: Oh. So I have to run through the Metrolink? 

Tommy: Eh. Brisk walk should do it. 

Brent: Eh. 

Tommy: Alright. See you later. 

[scene change]

Dakota: The reason they use rasins in scones is because, in olden days, they didn't have chocolate chips. Because those were invented in the 1930's. 

Brent: Dakota. Hey. 

Dakota: Brent. I. 

Brent: Oh, look. Don't look at him. He's. He's masturbating. 

Dakota: I know. He was doing that before I sat down. I just felt like talking. 

Brent: Hey. Hey! Beat it. No. Not that. Get out of here. This place is for decent people.

Homeless Man: At least I'm not Brent Spiner. 

Dakota: What are you doing here? 

Brent: Dakota, don't go after your father. 

Dakota: How did you know? 

Brent: Well, it took me a while, but I figured it out. 

Dakota: He's trying to help me, Brent. He has a tractor dealership. 

Brent: In Silver Lake? That's a little urban. You think, maybe, that he's trying to get some money out of you? 

Dakota: Well, why wouldn't he just ask me for some? 

Brent: Because he's a no good grifter. And no good grifters think they can get anything by cheating. 

Dakota: But he's still my dad. That's got to count for something. 

Brent: Dakota. You can pick your friends. You can pick your name. But you can't always get what you want just by wishing for it. 

Dakota: Oh, Brent. It's so sweet of you to come down here and everything, but I'm going to be okay. I know you don't like getting involved in other people's lives. 

Brent: Well, I am involved. I. I've been thinking too much about myself. Focusing on the negative aspects of my life, my career. But what I should have been focusing on was what great friends I have. Valerie and Larry, even Tommy, but most of all. Most of all you, Dakota. I want to help you develop the talent you have and not exploit you.

Dakota: You think my dad's exploiting me? 

Brent: I really do. 

Dakota: Alright, then. I trust your judgement. Thank you for stopping me from making a big mistake. 

Brent: No. Thank you, Dakota. For being the best friend I have right now. 

Dakota: See, Brent? I told you. All you need to do is ask the universe for exactly what you want and everyone will go out of their way to help you achieve it. 

Brent: Okay. Let's get out of here. Alright, universe, I'd like a little positivity. 

Dakota: Oh, that's easy enough. You have a beautiful head of hair, for a man your age. 

Brent: Oh, thanks. 

Homeless Man: I like those shoes.

Brent: Thanks. 

Dakota: What else? You are the best actor in the whole building. 

Brent: There's a relief. 

Dakota: And that smell that I thought was you. That was just the carpet in the hallway. 

Brent: Alright. Alright. Enough positivity.